Spork Your Fics!

Chapter 1/25 - Ardent Pledge To Do this! DAMNIT.

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 23:41:43 GMT

Title: An Ardent Pledge
Great Enough To Have a Genre: Romance/Humor/Angst
Band: Dir En Grey (WE'RE SO SORRY!)
Pairings: KyoXSue
NC-17 EVETUALLY!
Rating:
Warnings: SEX. SEX. ADULT THEMES. HET= SUES.
Summary: Our first sue, and we love her. ~~Well...Kyo does.~~ IN ALL 25 chapters! ♥

The sporking theater's lights flicker as the second part of this sporking has opened and WE'RE BACK! The Dir en Grey boys are all sitting in the respective seats, staring at the screen morbidly...

Toshiya: Didn't we suffer enough last chapter?
Die: Whiner.
Kaoru: That wasn't even a chapter, it was a prologue.
Toshiya: Prologue is a chapter, genius.

”If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to it.”
Jonathan Winters

Die: Not if the river is made of lava.
Shinya: ...What are you even talking about?

The move to Tokyo was not the easiest thing in the world for Tomoko, but it was slightly liberating in the sense that she felt like she was leaving behind a boring chapter in her life in order to start a brand new one. She was deeply hoping that life would seem a little more fresh living in a new surrounding…

Toshiya: She really is Kyo's opposite.
Die: Yeah, Kyo can't handle even a simple change.
Kyo: I can too.
Die: Oh yeah? What about when I move the snacks?
Kyo: I can't reach the high shelf, Die. You do it purposefully.
Die: No, I don't. You're just making excuses. You're the one who throws big fits.

The Sue is awed by Tokyo and all the sightseeing.

Obaasan chuckled and patted her granddaughter’s knee. “I know. It’s not a bad place, though. You’ll have more friends than you know what to do with here! I only lived here a year as a little girl, but I remember it…” She trailed off in fond remembrance.

Kaoru: Oh god, grandma... Let's stop the flood of memories now.
Kyo: No, I'm fine with it. I'm nowhere to be seen, so let them have their little "moment."
Toshiya: *as Obaasan* I was a Sue once too...
Die: And the sex was great.

Tomoko let her grandmother remember. Obaasan had grown up in Kyoto, living in Tokyo for a year with her own grandmother when she was eleven. She’d only moved to Himeji in her early twenties, and she stayed there when she met Ojiisan and married him. She was quite different from Tomoko, who had known nothing but Himeji and the two family trips she’d ever been on to Kyoto and Osaka. “What if there are too many people for me to make a lot of friends?” She asked, sending her grandmother a wary glance. Friends were a touchy subject around her; Obaasan had always had several while Tomoko only had three closest friends and a few friends that she would usually call “friendly acquaintances.”

Toshiya: In other words, she has no friends.
Die: Doesn't that go against the rules? As a Sue, everyone is supposed to love you, right?
Kaoru: Well yes, but the exception to the rule is used to give the Sue something to angst about.
Die: All together now --
All : BAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Obaasan sent her a reproving glance, then looked out the window and said, “That’s a silly thing to worry about, Tomoko. You’re a nice girl and if you would present yourself better you could have a lot of friends. Your mother always had at least six girls trailing after her when she was young…”

Kyo: Okay, even I have friends.
*silence*
Kyo: ...Guys?
Shinya: You know we love you. Not like that.
Toshiya: I'm picturing her mother like a lesbian prostitute now.
Die: Trailing like... Ducklings?
Kaoru: Tomoko must be the ugly duckling.

She's not in highschool, she'll get no friends BAWWWW.

The sun was shining down on Tokyo when Kyo parked his car outside the studio and slipped inside. They were meant to have a meeting with the guys in suits (he never bothered learning their names), and he’d had to speed to make it there on time. He rushed into the conference room, huffing and puffing, clutching at a stitch in his side. The other four were already there, sitting dutifully across from the three men in suits.

Kyo: And I would care BECAUSE?
Kaoru: The conference room is serious business.
Shinya: Apparently the tense changes are serious business.

If Kyo had been of any other mindset, it might have looked comical—especially as the men in suits had always reminded him suspiciously of the agents in The Matrix just by the way they dressed and carried themselves.

Die: Wake up, Kyo. The Matrix has you.
Toshiya: THERE IS NO SPOON.

“Good, we can begin,” said one of them emotionlessly, pulling a folder out of his briefcase and setting it on the table.

Kyo hurried into his seat next to Kaoru, where he immediately slouched and tried not to doze. Kaoru gave him a subtle warning glare before he turned his full attention to the men in suits. The one that had originally spoken pushed the folder over to Kaoru and said, “This is a chart of the money your merchandise and concerts have made. It dates all the way back to 1998, and I think you’ll be pretty pleased to note the difference in earnings.”

Toshiya: Who are these guys and where's our manager?
Kaoru: Probably chasing after the Sue.

Kaoru opened the folder, and four other heads leaned close to his to get a good look at the chart. The numbers were off the record for their latest album, and it included money raked in from overseas sales, which any one of them would admit excited them. Toshiya grinned up at the suits. “It looks really great! We’re really on fire, aren’t we?”

Toshiya: I'm on... Fire?
Die: Yes, yes you are.
Kyo: I want to sit in a sleeping bag and zip it up...
Kaoru: I'll make a note for next practice.
Kyo: Make it a red one... No, black. No, red.
Kaoru: JUST PICK ONE.
Shinya: Pink. ^^
Die: Are we going on a camping trip?
Toshiya: Brokeback Mountain?
Die: *sings the Family Guy Brokeback Mountain song* SODOMYYYYYYYYYYY!

He and Die high-fived, looking quite pleased with themselves. Kaoru’s brow was scrunched, though, and he said, “What’s with this little tick here?”

Shinya: You have... A tick? You know they have shampoos to get rid of that, Kaoru.
Kaoru: It's Kyo, he keeps sucking the blood out of everything.
Die: EDWARD CULLEN EDWARD CULLEN!
Kaoru: NOT NOW!
Kyo: Staying in my invisible sleeping bag...

Kyo looked closer and saw that there was a small asterisk next to the graph titled “Sales In Proportion To Status.” One of the men in suits cleared his throat and said, “Yes, that’s something we wanted to talk to you about. You may be making more money right now than you were in 1998, but your status has not jumped monumentally since 2002. So ultimately, you should be making more money than you are. In fact, we’re losing money because of that.”

Kaoru: That makes absolutely no sense at all.
Die: We also, besides this chart have a picture of a prostate exam, a bunch of gum wrappers, and a macaroni picture to show the logic of this entire thing is unreasonable.
Shinya: Nice, Die.
Die: I try, babe.

“And that’s a problem,” another man added.

Toshiya and Die’s faces fell. Shinya looked indifferent. Kyo looked to Kaoru, because that’s who he always looked to when something was expected of the band. Kaoru closed the folder and slid it back across the table to the management. “Okay, so what do we do that we aren’t doing already? We’ve now toured in both Europe and America. We’re still producing albums, and touring over here. What else is there?”

Kaoru: We're letting petty little girls write fanfiction about us.
Kyo: I puke on fans for fun no matter their race.
Die: I'm awesome!
Toshiya: What more can we possibly do for you people?

The three men in suits exchanged glances, and then the first one said, “Well, we know how hard you tried to steer away from your visual roots, but we think your best option from here is to go back to them. Visual bands are surpassing you in popularity over here. You’re all talented enough that if you had a look to match your talent, you could be the world’s next huge band.”

Kaoru: So technically, they're telling us what type of look to give our band?
Kyo: Bitches.
Toshiya: What do they want us to do? Dress Kyo up like Bou of An Cafe?
Kyo: ...Toshiya...I will kill-
Die: Who do those black suits guys think they are? I mean, I'm sure they went to college and have their black suits licenses.
Shinya: Is anyone else strangely reminded of men in black?

Kyo immediately felt a surge of anger and rebellion. He snapped his head in Kaoru’s direction, expecting the older man to exclaim vehemently that they would certainly not stoop to that. Instead he saw Kaoru frowning and staring thoughtfully at the table. “Well…we’ll think about it,” he said simply after a moment.

Kyo: YOU'RE FIRED!
Kaoru: Excuse me?
Die: -as Kaoru- You got a problem with me shrimp?
Toshiya: -as Kyo- You never listen to my feelings!
Die: -as Kaoru- Don't you know? Little people aren't big and important on the inside. It's just a myth.
Toshiya: *as Kyo* CP?
Aiji: *pops in* Just sticking out for the little people.
Kyo: GTFO our sporking, laptop killer.
Aiji: *sadly leaves*

Five minutes later the meeting had been adjourned, and Kyo was ripping Kaoru a new one as they all stood outside. Kaoru, Die and Toshiya were smoking. Shinya was standing far enough away from them that the smoke wouldn’t bother him. Kyo was fighting his craving to grab one of their cigarettes; it was increasingly difficult because of his outraged feelings. “What the hell did you mean by that!?” He exclaimed sharply. “We aren’t going back to VK. We worked so fucking hard to get out of it! Now you want to go back just because some dumb guys that only care about money want us to? Bullshit, Kaoru. Fucking bullshit.”

Die: -as Kaoru again- Look, kid, we tried it your way.
Kyo: -as PMSing Kyo- BUT IT'S NOT FAIIIIIR!
Die: Life isn't fair.
Die and Toshiya: DEAL WITH IT!
Kyo: What?
Die: Deal with it.

“Shut up, Kyo,” Kaoru snapped peevishly. “I didn’t say we’re going back to VK, all right, so get off my back. I said we would think about it.”

“Well, are we?” Kyo asked.

“I don’t see why not,” Toshiya cut in. “Did you hear what he said? We could be the world’s next huge band—the world’s!”

Die: *as Toshiya* Haven't you ever played Animal Crossing? IT'S A FUCKING WILD WORLD!
Shinya: I feel...so manly compared to Toshiya and Kyo all of a sudden.
Kyo: Of the whole world? Last time I checked, everyone and his mother knows us.

“Since when has that mattered?” Kyo spat.

“I don’t know, I think Toshiya has a point,” Die said with a nod.

Kyo shot a glare at Kaoru. “Please, Kaoru, don’t tell me you’ve jumped on the loony train with them.”

Kaoru: *freaked out voice* NO NOT THE TRAIN! THE GUY WITH NO EYES WILL NEVER LET YOU OFF IF YOU ANSWER THE QUESTION WRONG!
Kyo: ...You need to stop reading threads on /x/.
Die: Kyo, I never knew you used the term "loony train". "Fucking insane" would be more your speed.
Shinya and Toshiya: Seconded.

Kaoru was quiet for a minute, simply sucking on his cigarette, breathing smoke into the clean air. At last he said softly, “I’m not sure where I stand on this matter anymore.”

“Fucking Christ,” Kyo growled. With that, he turned his back on his band mates and went back inside the building.

Die: *fangirl squeal impersonation* KYO X JESUS OTP!
Kyo: God, Kaoru, grow some balls!
Toshiya: Kaoru, man, what are we going to do today? Are we going to go back to being a VK band?
Kaoru: I'll do whatever I feel like doing, GOSH!

Tomoko stood back to survey her progress, wiping her hands on her jeans as she did so. The living room looked slightly lived in, at least. Pictures adorned the walls, knick-knacks sat on the end table, and the television was connected, showing a popular anime to her. She smiled and turned it off, setting the remote neatly on the coffee table. “How’s the kitchen coming, Obaasan?” She called.

Kaoru: Why is she always cleaning?
Kyo: Because she's a woman. gb2kitchen.
Shinya: That's mean... *frowns*
Die: *as Obasaan* YOU BITCH, I WAS WATCHING NARUTO!

“It’s coming!” The old woman hollered back.

Die: I came.
Toshiya: You realize you're talking about an old woman, right?
Die: I take it back. *squicked*

Tomoko walked over to the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe and watching as her grandmother continued stacking porcelain plates in a cupboard. “Need any help?”

Obaasan sent her a scowl. “Now, Tomo, I told you to go look for a job. Let us old folks take care of the house for a change. Which reminds me, where is Jiisan?”

Tomoko smiled. “He’s been sitting out in the garden all morning. He and Frodo like it.”

Die: ONE CAN NOT SIMPLY WALK INTO MORDOR.
Kaoru: What the hell is Frodo doing in the story?
Toshiya: Didn't you hear? He's the new Visual-Kei band they're hiring to replace us.

Frodo was her cat. He was not a people person, preferring to spend his time sleeping in Tomoko’s room or sleeping outside in the shade of a bush. Being that it was almost September, it was not particularly hot outside so the cat and Ojiisan could enjoy being outdoors.

Toshiya: *as Aoi* CEILING CAT!
Die: It's a cat hiding under a bush!
Kyo: ...That was a pussy joke, wasn't it.

The Sue is looking for a job and is hired at a coffee and tea shop, whatever.

Tomoko smiled at the girl, noting her chipped tooth and red and black hair that was done up in adorable pigtails. She was the perfect person to greet customers, that much was obvious. “Actually, I’m just wondering if you guys are hiring,” Tomoko said quietly, not really hopeful that they were, vaguely unsure of why she was bothering to ask.

The girl broke into a wider grin. “As a matter of fact, we are! Here—let me get you an application.”

“Thanks!” Tomoko exclaimed, grinning right back, feeling an odd sense of relief.

Die: Pigtails and cute, huh. Shinya, are you sure that's not you?
Shinya: What? *glare*
Die: ...See? Even your glare is cute.
Kyo: A CUTE WHAT?
Kaoru: Not YOU.
Toshiya: Heh heh. Loli.

Snip boring conversation.

She stopped when the little bell over the door rang, announcing new customers. Out of force of habit more than anything else, Tomoko looked up to see what the newcomers looked like. Her eyebrows instantly rose in amusement, for they were unlike anyone she would expect to see enter the obscure little teahouse. They were five men, probably close to her own age. They were all wearing expensive clothing, though not the kind found on Tokyo high-rollers. They were distinctly grungy in their faded, ragged clothes. Their faces were half hidden by unkempt hair, and tattoos were visible on the hands of at least three of them. They also all wore sunglasses, even though they were inside and it was a noticeably cloudy day outside.

Kaoru: We're going to a café instead of a bar? Are you sure this isn't an OOC yaoi fanfic?
Shinya: I'm NOT the waitress!

The one with flowing dark hair and a matching little beard removed his sunglasses and gave Chiharu and Hasegawa a curiously charming smile. Tomoko had to fight the urge to smile as well because his smile was so genuine and so unexpected, considering how he and his friends had come in looking like a group of badass rock star wannabes.

Die: Queen bees and wannabes!
Shinya: Have you been watching Mean Girls again?
Die: *points at Kyo* YOU FORGOT TO WEAR PINK! GET OUT OF OUR BAND!
Toshiya: It's like I have ESPN or something...

“Hi, Hasegawa-san, Chiharu-chan,” he said with the air of one greeting old friends. “How’s business today?”

“A little slow, actually. I hope you’re ordering for your whole studio, Kaoru-san!” Hasegawa chortled.

“He isn’t, but I’m going to take a lot of snacks off your hands,” said one with honey-colored hair, flashing the most handsome smile Tomoko had ever seen.

Die: It could be me, but I don't have that hair color...
Kaoru: And I've already been identified.
Toshiya: I never get any description in this thing, so it can't be me.
All three: *pause* Shinya?

Chiharu grinned right back and said, “But we always give you free snacks, Die-san, so that doesn’t count!”

Die laughed at that, showing off more of that dashing smile. Kaoru shook his head, but said, “I think we’ll just get the usual today, Hasegawa-san. We’re in a bit of a hurry.”

Die: Oh that's right, I don't have red hair anymore...
Kaoru: You forgot your own hair color?
Shinya: I guess it wasn't me...
Kyo: I'm just glad they haven't brought me up yet.

“Oh, don’t make it sound like we don’t want to see them!” Another spoke up; this one had dark hair as well, and if Die’s grin was perfect, this man’s couldn’t have been more opposite of it.

Toshiya: *sadly* Is that me?
Die: Haha, I'm pretty and you're not.
Kyo: And Shinya's gay.
Shinya: Meep.

“I’ll try your new tea today instead of my usual,” spoke a fourth one, his voice soft. His hair was almost the color of Die’s, and he had a distinctly feminine air about him, though he was so obviously masculine.

Kyo: *creeped out* The fic is on the same wavelength as me. This is not comforting.

Tomoko’s gaze drifted over to the short one, simply because he hadn’t said anything yet. He was looking rather bored, though it was hard to be certain because of the sunglasses that still covered his eyes. He reached up and scratched his nose, but otherwise did not move. Tomoko returned to filling out her application without another glance at the five strange men. She remained ignorant of them as they took their orders and left. The door had barely closed on them when the woman called Hasegawa announced loudly: “You’re hired.”

Kyo: Yeah, you're probably a member of the US Postal service, the mafia, and/or anything else since we've done no background check, but screw that, you're hired!
Kaoru: You'll fit in great with the rest of our customers!

Tomoko lifted her head and looked around, wondering who Hasegawa was talking to, and found the woman looking at her. “Excuse me?” She queried politely.

“I said, ‘You’re hired,’” Hasegawa repeated. “Unless your hearing is always this bad.”

“But you haven’t even seen my application,” Tomoko said modestly, feeling very uncertain.

Hasegawa put her hands on her hips. “Do you want to work here or not?”

Die: Lesbian sex in three... two... one...
Shinya: *facepalm*
Kaoru: And here we have an example of a fanbrat wanting to sound smart, so she looked up "asked" in the thesaurus to fool us.
Die: *Franziska Von Karma impression* Foolish fool who foolishly dreams foolish dreams of foolishness.
Kaoru: That's it, I'm taking away your DS and your Phoenix Wright games...
Die: OBJECTION!

Tomoko stood up swiftly, tripping on the chair leg in her haste to move closer to the counter. “Well, yes, but I’m just curious—“

“Don’t be,” Hasegawa interrupted. “Hasn’t anyone told you that curiosity always leads to trouble?”

Tomoko smiled. “I believe the phrase is ‘Curiosity often leads to trouble,’ ma’am.”

Kaoru: "Curiosity killed the cat?"
Toshiya: *sadly* No, Kyo killed my cat...
Kyo: *evil grin*

Hasegawa raised an eyebrow and peered at her, one of her eyes bulging slightly. Tomoko’s smile faltered, and she glanced over at Chiharu, who was obviously fighting laughter. She looked back at Hasegawa, feeling increasingly nervous until the woman gave a vehement sigh and said, “Well, if you must know, I like girls who can contain themselves around the boys.”

Die: ...Because she wants all the girls to herself.
Kaoru: Let the joke die already, they're not going to start making out.
Die: You're no fun.

At first Tomoko just felt even more confused. Hasegawa turned around and began messing with the register, Chiharu moving aside with a slight bow. Then a thought struck her and she exclaimed without even thinking, “You mean those five guys that were in here?”

Hasegawa nodded. “Yes, that’s right. Often I ask them to come in when I’m giving interviews, and nine times out of ten I have to turn away the girls I’m interviewing. Sometimes they just flip out and try to pounce on the men, which obviously doesn’t look good for the shop. Other times they only applied because they heard a rumor that they get coffee here sometimes. I’ve had to get restraining orders on most of those girls…”

Die: OH SHIT THEY GOT V&!
Toshiya: *4chan party van sound effects*
Kaoru: I'm sorry, we don't hire fangirls. Please to be leaving now, kthxbai.

Tomoko nodded, wondering how she would word her next question. At last she just decided to go for it and blurted out, “Are they famous or something?”

Chiharu let out a soft gasp and rested her hand over her bosom. Hasegawa began laughing, finally looking up from the register so her gaze could fall on Tomoko. “Oh, so that’s why you didn’t flip out when they came in! You have no idea who they are! Oh well, I’ll take that. They’re in a rock band. I didn’t know who they were either until Mariko informed me, so I don’t blame you for not knowing. Come to think, you’re probably a bit old for them, aren’t you?”

Toshiya: Bitch got owned.
Die: *as Nelson from The Simpsons* HAW HAW!

Tomoko smiled. “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t think you’re ever too old for rock music. So who are these guys then? I’m feeling rather stupid now that I didn’t recognize them if they’re that famous…”

“They’re Dir en grey!” Chiharu burst, looking as though she’d been wanting to shout it since Tomoko had asked if they were famous.

That was a name Tomoko recognized, even if she didn’t recognize any of the men. It was hard to like popular music in Japan and not recognize their name. She could remember seeing them on television a few times, too, but it was back when they were visual and wore multi-colored outfits with purple and red hair. Obviously, they looked a lot different these days, and she knew that she would never have recognized them even if someone had told her they were that same band she’d witnessed playing on Utaban however many years ago… “Oh, I have heard of them,” she said, feeling a little relieved she wasn’t completely out of the loop. “They’ve just really changed since I last saw them. Didn’t one of them used to dress like a woman?”

All: *look at Shinya*
Shinya: *pouts* Hey, you all dressed like that too!
Die: IT'S A TRAP!!

Chiharu’s eyes bugged. “I can’t believe you don’t know anything about them! They’re Dir en grey!”

“That’s enough, Chiharu,” Hasegawa scolded. “Good grief, you fangirls just can’t accept that there are people who haven’t heard of them, can you?”

“I’m not a fangirl, Hasegawa-san,” Chiharu piped, though she kept her gaze down.

Toshiya: *as Chiharu* I'm not a fangirl, I just think they're so KAWAII DESU NEKO-CHAN!
Kyo: Never. Do that again.

Hasegawa waved her off. “Well, whatever you are, stop making a big fuss out of it. That’s the last thing I want in my store, and you should know by now that it’s the last thing they want, too.” She looked at Tomoko. “They like you best when you aren’t flailing and shouting around them, you know. It’s one reason I can respect them, actually… They’re perfectly normal, modest guys when they’re not up on that stage doing God knows what.”

Chiharu looked like she wanted to tell Hasegawa exactly what they did on stage, but closed her mouth and looked down again—probably a wise decision. Tomoko cleared her throat. “Okay, so when do I start?"

Kyo: What obscene things on stage?
Kaoru: Are you serious?
Kyo: *stare*
Kaoru: Boys?
Toshiya: Example A
Die: Example B
Shinya: Example C
Kaoru: ...And this.
Kyo: When did you do that?!
Kaoru: Right around the time I made this video.
Kyo: I'm going to kill you.
Toshiya: Probably on stage.
Shinya: I think we've made our point.

Hasegawa looked her up and down, then shrugged and said, “Come in tomorrow or the day after. Your pick.”

Die: Yes! Someone finally called her a prick!
Shinya: What are you talking about, it says "your pick".
Die: Damn, I thought it said "you prick".
Kaoru: You're reading the fanfic based on how YOU want it written.
Die: So? It's more fun that way.

Tomoko bowed low. “Thank you so much, Hasegawa-san.”

She turned to leave, smiling to herself at her good fortune. She’d just gotten to the door when Hasegawa called out, “I’ll be needing to know your name, too, you know.”

Die: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Kaoru: And now I'm taking away your copy of The Princess Bride.
Die: Aww, but Kyo watches it before concerts so he can cosplay as the rat thing!
Kyo: They're so misunderstood...
Shinya: Can we please move on?
Toshiya: As you wish.

She turned back around, fighting off a blush at her stupidity for failing to introduce herself. “Oh, I’m Tomoko Morimoto.” She bowed again.

Hasegawa nodded. “Right. I’ll see you the day after tomorrow then, Tomoko.”

Tomoko gave a nod as well, and then left the shop. She full on grinned once she was outside, and practically skipped home, simply glad to have a job in Tokyo.

Toshiya: THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW!
Kaoru: Global warming will actually hit on two days before the day after tomorrow.
Toshiya: OH MY GOD, THAT'S TODAY!
Die: ...I broke the dam.
Shinya: Warmth is one of the last stages of hypothermia!
Kyo: Oh fuck, I'm hot.

Miyavi: And that's the end of the chapter! We'll be back after this short break!
Kyo: And I AM NOT A FAGGOT.
Die: FAGGOT!
Kaoru: FAGGOT!
Toshiya: FAGGOT!
Shinya: -sigh-

Ardent is a weird word...Sounds like arse...And sue. Prolouge- 25

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 19:21:09 GMT

WERE YOU STILL DO-? WHAT!?

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 00:57:49 GMT

Title: One night
Band: Pierrot
Pairing: AijiXJun
Rating:

SHE WANTS US TO "critizise"? ...Huh?

Sporking theater opens, and thank god it's not the porno but the normal one. The chairs are tightly strapped down for the certain rough housing of tense switches and poor grammar soon to follow...The great old now disbanded band mates of Pierrot sit in the chairs, checking out the surroundings for their first sporking.

Jun: Whaaaaat's going on?
Kirito: I've heard of this place.
Takeo: Um, perhaps we should reintroduce ourselves?
Aiji: I remember you. I'm more wondering why we're here.
Takeo: Oh.
Kohta: And why does it say I'm the rating?
Saga: -appears- Because you are disliked.
Kohta: Excuse me?
Kirito: Aren't you that guy from that band...
Saga: Yes, I'm from alice nine. And this is my partner-
Tora: Yo.
Jun: I'm lost...
Saga: Yeaaaah, you're gonna have to stop doing those.
Jun: Doing what?
Saga:...
Jun: WHAT?
Aiji: He clearly means elipses.
Jun: HUH?
Kirito: Anyway, what's going on?
Miyavi:
Tora: Hello Miyavi.
Miyavi: SO WE READY?
Kirito: Considering you're here. No. No I'm not.

"Fucking shit!!!!"

Kirito: Same to you!
Kohta: Why am I the rating?
Saga: Because you touch yourself at night.
Tora: TMI.
Jun: Hey look at this...-pulls out Aoi's laptop- It has a word document on it that says, use in case of sporking.
Takeo: Well that's...nice?
Miyavi: You really are n00bs.

Aiji angrily slammed the door shut behind him,threw his jacket in the next corner and rushed into the bathroom.

Jun: And all in one sentence.
Saga: Are they having a photoshoot?
Tora: Saga, just because, for some reason Shou decided our photoshoot should be in a bathroom does not mean-
Miyavi: Bored.

After turning the water on he slid down the wall onto the ground,curling up into a ball,crying with his hands covering his face.

Kirito: Ha, look Aiji is crying.
Takeo: BAAAAAAAAW.
Aiji: Heartless sons of bitc-
Jun: Hey, guys? Why is Kohta the rating?
Laptop:
Kohta: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!
Laptop: Please refrain from using verbal abuse on me.
Kohta: I ask what does that mean? What does that even have to do with my previous question?
Laptop:
Kohta: O_O
Jun: -claps- LOOK IT! IT KEEPS HITTING THE WALL! -laughs-

"You fucking bastard...why couldn't you control yourself..." he shouted out to himself.Frustrated he punched the wall with his fist,just to immideately feel the sharp pain shooting through his hand which made him cry in anger and pain. Fuck,fuck,fuck!!! Grumbling he stood up, took off his clothes and went under the shower all the while cursing under his breath.

Jun: FAIL CAT! -claps-
Laptop: Happy to amuse.
Jun: SHOW ME MORE!
Aiji: CP?
Jun: ....No?
Aiji: Hey, just sticking out for the little people.
Kirito: -face- That is so messed up.
Laptop:
Aiji: Um, Jun? Could you close that thing?
Jun: But I'm on ED? ;_;
Miyavi: Guys! The fic!
Kirito: Um, Aiji is in the shower? What more do you want? Should I say it's hot?
Aiji: Please don't.
Laptop:
Aiji: What?
Laptop: It was on the shower door.

He stood there under the hot water for a few minutes,eyes closed, trying to calm down slowly.His hand still did hurt.But what hurt the most was the thought of what he did last night.What he did to him...

Tora: You did your mom?
Saga: Laptop, if you please?
Laptop:
Takeo: Real mature.
Laptop:

The one he fell in love with.
He didn't mind the fresh tears running down his face as he thought of last night.

Kirito: Last night? So what have you done for me today?
Aiji: What makes you think it's you?
Kirito: Um, I'm saying. You're in my band, you work for me. You wasted a whole day out crying about how some guy broke your heart?
Aiji: I'm not in your band anymore.
Kirito: And don't you forget it.

Earlier,they were drinking in a bar and went home to Jun's place afterwards.They talked,laughed and had fun.Just what friends do sometimes.

Takeo: Does anyone else feel like she's asking us what friends do?
Aiji: Like she doesn't have any of her own?
Takeo: No, no, we can't say that...That could get us sued.
Aiji: Okay, so we'll just hint at it then?
Laptop:
Aiji: FRIGGEN STOP IT! -slams it shut-
Jun: ;_;
Laptop:

He could clearly remember when they both were nearly lying on the floor in front of the couch.How they joked around and acted like drunken fools.Well they WERE drunk...

Tora: The spaces are necessary between sentences, damnit.
Kirito: WERE
Jun: It must be a code.
Kohta: Idon'twanttobetherating.
Takeo: There are a lot of...
Jun: Huh?
Aiji: Elipses, I believe that is what they're called.
Kirito: You know more than me, I always thought they were called epilepsy.
Aiji: ...You're terrible.
Kirito: What? Isn't it?
Takeo: -sigh- No, Kirito. Epilepsy is a condition.
Kirito: ...Huh?
Jun: I know someone who can tell us. -opens laptop-
Aiji: NO!
Laptop:
Aiji: -silent-
Jun: Laptop? Could you please inform Kirito of epilepsy?
Laptop: ep·i·lep·sy - Any of various neurological disorders characterized by sudden recurring attacks of motor, sensory, or psychic malfunction with or without loss of consciousness or convulsive seizures.
Tora: So they're having seizures or fits into unconciousness everytime there is a "..." ...?
Saga: You just did it!
Tora: Oh, fuc-
Miyavi: Perhaps it's time for a game?
Laptop: Everytime there is a "...", drink!
Aiji: There isn't anything to drink!
-drinks appear-
Kirito: I like the laptop, he does more work than you, Aiji.
Laptop:

Then suddenly he found himself hovering over Jun kissing him fully on the lips.Jun didn't shove him away as he aspected the other man would do.No,he did respond to the kiss...

Jun: ...I what?
Kirito: DRINK!
All: -drink-
Tora: This is good stuff.
Saga: Hey, 'aspected', anyone else notice that?
Aiji: Oh god.
Laptop:
Aiji: JUN.
Jun: It's not hurting anybody.
Aiji: Other than my sanity.
Laptop:
Aiji: JUN!
Jun: It's not trying too!
Laptop:

When they broke apart they both looked into each others eyes.There was something in Jun's eyes he couldn't describe at this moment...

Jun: DRINK!
Aiji: -starts taking more then one-
Kirito: Jun, if Aiji is gonna drink like that you might want to sit over there...
Jun: Huh?
Aiji: Dude, I'm not in love with him-
Kirito: Suuuuure.
Laptop:

The next thing he remembered was lying down on Jun's bed.Together with him.Naked.Jun was snuggled up to him while he himself had one arm around Jun's waist,holding him close.Hastily but carefully he went out of the bed put on his clothes and ran out of the living room.

Tora: The spacing is horrific.
Kirito: Who's Naked?
Jun: No ones naked.
Kirito: No, Who's Naked?
Jun: NO ONE IS NAKED.
Kirito: DAMNIT! WHO IS NAKED?
Jun: NO ONE!
Laptop: User forgot to not use caps on such words otherwise they are seen as names.
Kirito: Thank you laptop.
Aiji: I could of told you that.
Kohta: At this rate you'll be a rating.
Aiji: STFU about the rating.

He still stood under the water with his head leaning against the wall.

Laptop:

It took some more minutes for him to calm down,turning out the water,going out of the shower and drying himself.Then he looked into the mirror,just to look down onto the floor again after a second ashamed.

Tora: SPACE IT! FOR GODSAKE! SPACE BETWEEN NEW SENTENCES AND COMMA ORDER! UGH!
Saga: Tora, if you can't handle this I can get Hiroto in here in your place.
Tora: I'll be alright.

He will hate me... He will tell me I should go to hell.. God he will hate me....

Kirito: Good old italics, seperating thought from action.
Tora: If the tenses are so bad can they even be considered action?
Jun: Why are you two here by the way? You're not in Pierrot?
Aiji: We're not either.
Jun: Uh, not in Pierrot too?
Tora: We come here for our own jobs.
Takeo: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! AAAAAAAAAAAH! -runs toward door-
Saga and Tora: -move and pull him back to his seat, strapping him-
Takeo: You're terrible people.
Saga: Believe me pal, I've sat through worse.
Takeo: How much worse?
Aiji: Yeah, I don't believe anything could be worse then this.
Saga: About as worse as...
Laptop:
Saga: Thank you Laptop.

Pretty much cut for continous Aiji wallowing on how Jun will hate him because he sexed him up and now they will never smile or whatever...

"Gah where the heck is he!!???" Kirito mumbled angrily. "He's already half an hour too late!"

Kirito: Is there a difference between being late? Or too late?
Kohta: One second afterwards with you.
Kirito: I enjoy being impatient.
Takeo: We know.
Jun: Look! It's in in character!
Laptop:

he told himself and shot a glance at his bandmates. "Anyone knows where he is???" Kohta shook his head and looked at Takeo who could just mimic him.Just Jun remaind silent which made the other wonder if he maybe knew something about their missing lead guitarist.Just when Kirito were about to ask Jun the door flew open and a slightly exhausted looking Aiji made his way into the studio,all the while with his head down. "Oh wow! Mister Mizui finally had the kindness to show up! Thanks! " he nearly shouted out at the latter but got a little worried when he saw the bandaged hand and the slightly pained look on Aiji's face who still had his head down,fumbling with his guitar and murmuring a quiet "Sorry...".
"What happened to your hand? Aiji?" Aiji didn't look up "It's nothing.I can still play." Kirito raised an eyebrow "Are you sure you're alright?" The guitarist just nodded. Kohta and Takeo exchanged worried looks and even Jun now looked at Aiji with a slight concern in his eyes. "Okay guys.Let's give it a try and we will see if you can play today or not" Kirito said,eyeing Aiji again for a short moment before he went to his mic stand gesturing for the others to get ready.

Aiji: AAAAH! MY EYES!
Kirito: Why didn't you cut it?
Miyavi: Management is tired of this...and is now cutting back on cutting up the giant text blocks, to show you how much they're suffering.
Tora: Damn fangirls.
Kirito: Only thing odder then the giant stack of words in front of me is the characterization of me.
Kohta: Agreed.
Takeo: Fangirls, please hear us. Kirito is a jerk.
Kohta: He does not like you.
Jun: Nor will he ever.
Aiji: He's a deceiving little ass monkey who cares for no one else but himself. If he did care so much, would I still be in Pierrot?
Jun: Um, Aiji? You just crossed the line there.
Aiji: What line?
Jun: The don't-say-it-you'll-upset-the-fangirls line.
Aiji: Huh?
Laptop:
Jun: NO! THEY GOT LAPTOP!

WE ARE HAVING SOME TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES WITH THIS SPORKING. IT WILL BE BACK ON AIR SOON. WE PROMISE.

To be continued in part 2...

Reita is Edward Cullen?! O________O CATONAKEYBOARDINSPACE!

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 02:13:15 GMT

Title: A Kiss and a Bite

Genre: Typical Badly written fangirl fic for a couple that is overly obsessed over for no apparent reason.
Warnings: Ruki= school girl. no. We are not fucking kidding.
Rating: Does Stupid have a rating?
Characters/pairings: ReitaxRuki
Synopsis: At a Halloween party, there met a vampire and a....crossdresser?
RATING:

The sporking theater, thank god not the porn theater this time is packed of the ever popular The Gazette.

Aoi: Can we go now?
Kai: It hasn't even started?
Ruki: Damnit. If what I've heard is true. I won't be able to talk to one of you for weeks.
Uruha: Well hopefully that's Kai.
Kai: Hurtful?
Uruha: Do I honestly look like I care?
Kai: ;_;
Reita: Speaking of Kai. Why is he a rating?
Aoi: Because the fanbrats that run this place are whacked.
Uruha: Yeah they're in the 5% of the fanbase who doesn't like Kai.
Reita: Wait. This is run by fanbrats?
Aoi and Uruha: -nod-
Reita: So technically. These are fanbrats who are hypocritical enough to make fun of other fanbrats?
Aoi: Pretty much.
Uruha: Bitches. Exactly my style. -grin-

Title: A Kiss And a Bite [1/1]

Aoi: Shall we spork the way we do, Uruha?
Uruha: I believe we shall, Aoi.

Pairing: Reita/Ruki

Uruha: Oh, like we haven't seen this fanbase couple a little over 5 billion times!
Aoi: Yeah? What's wrong with putting a little love between me and someone that makes no sense? Like Gackt or something?
Reita: Please, don't even mention such things. -prepares to puke-

Band: Gazette

Aoi: Dude. I had no idea are band was called that?
Uruha: Betch, it's the press!

Genre: Romance...slight humor...a bit of parody

Aoi: Yes. Humor if you are a sick twisted fanbrat that amuses yourself by playing with our lives and personalities.
Uruha: Aw, man. So true! Up here! -high five-
Aoi: -misses- Sorry, high fiving was never really my thing.

Rated: PG13

Aoi: Yes, because only few fanbrats dare write R fics.
Ruki: I'm more thankful for this.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

All: O_O
Ruki: That was amazingly creative.
Aoi: Is there a way out of this ground hog day?
Uruha: Bueller? Bueller?

Comment: A very late halloween fic. XP

Aoi: -tries to make that XP face-
Uruha: -laughing- You look like you have down syndrome again!

Summary: At a Halloween party, there met a vampire and a....crossdresser?

Ruki: And the crossdresser is....?
Uruha: Mana?
Kai: Mana is a guy?
Uruha: I think...so?
Kai: DAMNIT.
Reita: Awkward.
Aoi: It's SHINYA!
Kai: SHINYA IS A GUY TOO?
Reita: Shut up Kai.

Tilting his head towards his hand, Ruki glanced around with a bored expression as he fingered his half empty glass of alcohol.

Ruki: Why is my glass half empty?
Uruha: Because your not the type to think of it as half full?
Ruki: As true as that may be.
Reita: How long have you been at this party?
Ruki: Exactly. If it's been like 20 mins. That glass should be empty.
Aoi: I think the biggest question here is WHY ARE YOU DRESSED AS A SCHOOL GIRL?
Ruki: Hm?
Aoi: Damn. We haven't gotten to that part...
Ruki: ...Now I'm worried.
Aoi: Well is it a shot glass, you're drinking?
Ruki: Why do I feel like I'm about to upchuck?

Here he was, invited by Uruha and Kai to a Halloween party. Apparently, a costume party…meaning he had to dress up in a costume. With much persuasion from both Uruha and Kai, he ended up going to the party in a costume. A school girl’s uniform kind of costume, complete with a long brown haired wig, black and nave blue eye shadow, lip gloss, and standard knee length sock and low heel shoes.

Ruki: -The Ring face-
Uruha: Ruki?
Reita: Oh. My...
Aoi: HAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHHAAHA! THERE IT IS! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Kai: Wow. Aoi's earlier face was ten times more down syndrome then that.
Aoi: -punches Kai-
Uruha: Um, my question is why am I throwing a party with Kai?
Aoi: Because you two are probably screwing each other too.
Uruha: TAKE. THAT. BACK.

He mentally cursed in his mind. How the hell did they managed to get him into this outfit anyway?

Ruki: Yes. How did they manage to do THAT? -shaking glaring at Kai and Uruha-
Uruha: Fanfic! Warped mind, remember?
Kai: I'd never do that Ruki!
Reita: Think of it this way at least your not Saga.
Ruki: Thanks...Reita.
Reita: ^_^ Welcome.
Aoi: Awwww! -takes pictures- You can sell these on like ebay for billions!

Because of the costume, he caught the attention of most of the men around him. He was not liking it at all! It was awkward and very, very disturbing.

Ruki: What other men??
Aoi: Shall I pull out my laptop again?
Uruha: You show one more picture of ceiling cat and I will-
Aoi: Raep time?
Uruha: No.
Aoi: ...

The blonde (now turned brunette) kept grumbling and glaring hard at his glass until he spotted a dark-haired figure walking towards his table. A man…and a very familiar one at that. He wore a slim black turtleneck sweater along with beige khakis and belted leather boots. What stood to be the most recognizable about the man was the shiny glint of his ebony-colored lip piercing.

Reita: Wait. I thought this was ME and Ruki?
Uruha: And? What? You want to bum another smoke off of me?
Reita: No! Why do I sound like Aoi?
Aoi: Me?
Reita: -nod- You look like ME! Or I look like you!
Aoi: What makes you say that?
Reita: The lip piercing.
Aoi: Oh yeah. You don't got one.
Reita: Tora does.
Aoi: Yeah. Yeah. I hate Tora.
Reita: ^^; I know.
Aoi: Whenever someone sees me they're always like Oh! Look! That guy looks like Tora of alice nine.
Uruha: It's just because you guys play on the same side of the stage and the same instrument.
Aoi: I'm cooler.
Uruha: Yes, you are. -gives him cigarette-
Aoi: --;

“You look awfully lonely…need some company?” Ruki blinked once, barely realizing that the man was addressing him.

Aoi: I NEED AN ADULT!
Uruha: That is such a lame pick up line...
Reita: Yeah. I must admit. "You look lonely. Need some company?"
Kai: ^^; I'm never lonely with such great friends.
Ruki: Shut up Kai.
Kai: Okay!
Uruha: It's like that line should be on a meme somewhere?
Aoi:
Ruki: STOP IT!

“Huh?” was the only lame reply he could think at the moment.

Aoi: That's not lame!
Reita: If some guy who looked like a mix between me and Aoi came up to me when I was dressed as a school girl I'd be like WTF too.
Uruha: So what? This is now a ReitaXAoiXRukixReita fic?
Aoi:
Ruki: Aoi I swear to god if you use another photobucket reference one more time i'll-
Uruha: What the hell is that?
Reita: I look like Sailor moon!
All: O_O
Reita: Not that I watch it. I'm just saying...
Aoi: It's made by fanbrats for fanbrats.
Ruki I wonder if any of them hope we'll see them and like them.
Aoi: Well if they do we have one thing to say to them.
Ruki: Will this be another picture?
Aoi: ;_; One more?
Ruki: ...fine.
Aoi:
Ruki: What does that have to do with ANYTHING?
Aoi: It's so cute isn't it?

The other man stared for a short moment before chuckling in mirth. “My god, Ruki,…is that all you could think of? Surely, you can do better than that?”

Aoi: How did he recognize you? It's not every day Ruki is dressed as a girl. I mean most days...some. But not like that! His hairs a different color! That takes skill!
The others: -watching monorail cat-
Aoi: Guys?
Uruha: Um, uh, well he's...uh, what?
Aoi: Heh. You guys fell for it, huh?
Uruha: ...Aoi.
Aoi: Go on admit it. My photo posting is amusing. The fans agree!
Reita: Well, maybe if you posted in your blog more.
Kai: I do everyday!
Ruki: That cat really DOES look like a monorail...

Taken aback, Ruki suddenly asked, “You know my name?”

Aoi: -as Reita- yes...I know many things about you Ruki...
Uruha: -as same- In fact, you could even say we're brothers.
Kai: What are you guys talking about?
Uruha: He is a member of the rebel alliance and a traitor!
Aoi: Take him away!
Kai: But he's dressed as a girl!
Aoi: Take her away!

The dark-haired man was mildly surprised. “And you don’t know mine? I’m hurt.”

Ruki: Yes. I don't.
Reita: Actually. Since we can't differentiate between Aoi and me in this fic we're no better off.
Ruki: Sounds fair.

“Uh….”

“…Nothing?”

“Uh….”

“…”

“…No.”

“…It’s Aoi.”

Reita: What just happened?
Aoi: I said something?
Uruha: I guess you were you.
Reita: Then where am I?
Kai: @_@
Reita: Oh dear god. If this turns into like a Yu-Gi-Oh occurrence where I'm like Aoi's other self, I'll kill myself.
Ruki: >>
Reita: Not that I watch that show either.
Ruki: Then how do you know about it?
Aoi: Kagrra?
Reita: Yeah. They're fanboys.

There was a long stretch of silence between the two. The loud beats of the music pumped against their ears but none were actually heard.

Uruha: Well that's not good.
Aoi: Either we've gone deaf or that's like super sonic music.
Reita: Super sonic?
Aoi: Yes. Like bats.
Reita: Oh. I thought you meant like the blue hedgehog.
All: O_O
Reita: ...Uh...
Aoi: Isshin fanboying again?
Reita: Pretty much.

Ruki suddenly sprang up on his two feet, pointing a slightly shaky finger right at Aoi. "Aoi?! Aoi who I dared to dye his hair pink...The same Aoi I haven't seen in high school? Which was like...three years, two months and six days? That Aoi?!"

Ruki: Why am I acting all hyper?
Uruha: Yeah. You're acting like Kai.
Ruki: --;
Uruha: You only get like that during lives.
Ruki: ><
Aoi: Here man. Have some monorail cat?
Ruki: No, it won't work...
Aoi: Then I know what will! CAT ON A KEYBOARD IN SPACE!
Ruki: Excuse me?
Aoi: CAT ON A KEYBOARD IN SPACE!
Uruha: What are you going on about?
Aoi: Has no one seen CAT ON A KEYBOARD IN SPACE BUT ME?
Uruha: ...obviously?
Aoi: -grumbiling-
All: Oh...
Uruha: It really is in space.
Reita: I swear I just felt my IQ drop a few points.

“A ha ha…you remember all that?” Aoi smiled, a bit embarrassed.

Ruki: Embarassed over what?
Aoi: That I wouldn't dye my hair pink?
Ruki: I guess?
Aoi: No way in hell man. I'd end up looking like Yasuno.
Ruki: And that's bad?
Aoi: Yes. Quite bad.

Ruki grinned widely. “Of course I did. I have quite a memory.” He emphasized by tapping his temple with a finger. “I’m glad I did too especially now that I can embar-“

Ruki: Why does that always happen?
Uruha: What?
Ruki: What I'm saying will get cut off.
Uruha: I know what you mea-
Ruki: It sucks so ba-
Aoi: Everytime someone interru-
Reita: ...If you guys think I'm gonna keep this going you've been staring at that cat on a keyboard for too long.
Aoi: It's cat on a keyboard in space REITA. Gawd.

The brunette blinked repeatedly to a pair of black-clad arms wrapping around Aoi’s neck. Soon, a blond mass of hair popped into view.

Ruki: A blonde mass of hair?
Uruha: It's Cousin IT!
Aoi: No! It's

“Aoiiii, this is boring. The music’s too loud and there’s too many people around. I’m getting irritated. Can we go now? I’d rather stay outside than here.” A muffled voice spoke up against the raven-haired man’s back.

Reita: ...Since when did I turn into a whiny little brat?
Ruki: Since bad fic.
Reita: Ah.

The voice was deep and very alluring to Ruki. He didn’t know why but…it was so enchanting that his heart skip several beats.

Reita: My voice is deep!
Uruha: That's one point!
Aoi: Bad fic: 1! Us: INFINITY! Now! to catch up let's see you win this:

Ruki: Yeah. You lose yet?

Aoi simply chuckled and patted the arms gently. “Come on, Reita. It’s not so bad once you get used to it.”

Aoi: Get off me!
Reita: Dude, it's not me.
Uruha: Yeah. You couldn't pay Reita to touch anyone!
Fangirls: -cries-
Uruha: ...Uh...I was kidding?

Reita lifted his head over the other man’s shoulder. Ruki gasped suddenly (thankfully, the loud music covered that up.)

Uruha: But how does it?
Reita: Yeah, I thought we couldn't hear it?
Kai: In bad fic, fic sporks you!

The blonde was dressed as a vampire. He wore a formal black suit with matching black shoes, gloves, and a long silk cape. His dark eyes glowed against his lean pale skin and pallid blond hair. A white strip of cloth wrapped around his nose and cheeks, effectively giving some sort of mysterious look on him. One would wonder what he truly looked like without it, namely Ruki (and everyone else who knew him).

Uruha: And every fangirl on the planet.
Aoi: Has Miyavi tried taking it off you?
Reita: Many times. And he never succeeds. Pisses him off.
Ruki: What's with the parentheses? Is it like some authors note?
Uruha: Maybe?

Reita glanced up and caught the brunette’s stare. He grinned lightly, flashing a hint of sharp canine fangs. (That is fake...right? Ruki wondered.)

Aoi: They better be...-stares at Reita worried-
Reita: Dude. I'm not a vampire.
Uruha: -points at Reita- EDWARD CULLEN! EDWARD CULLEN!

“Ruki, this is Reita. He’s a friend and classmate of mine since…the beginning of college? Wow, it’s been that long…” Aoi trailed off, covering his mouth with a hand in thought.

Aoi: I do that.
Ruki: Hm?
Aoi: Put my hand over my mouth for some reason...
Reita: You do.
Uruha: Oh! Point!

“Hmm…” Reita relinquished his hold on the other man and strode towards the brunette. Gazing at Ruki’s appearance, he then extended a hand and smirk. “A pleasure meeting you, Ruki. And I have to admit…I’m drawn to your costume. I don’t really see a lot of people cross dress so…this is something different.”

Ruki: Well obviously it's not very effective since you recognized me to be a man!
Uruha: A short skirt can only hide so much.
All: O_O
Uruha: I'm just saying, I always wear the tight stuff so I know.

Ruki blushed bright red at the comment. He would've punch the hell out of the blonde for calling him a cross dresser but...the fact that he was drawn to it changed his mind almost completely.

Aoi: Awwwwww.
Uruha: It's like some cute moment.
Aoi: Awwwwwwww.
Ruki: I'm gonna kill myself.
Aoi: Awwwwwwwwwww.

"Thanks...I guess." he mumbled, lowering his head slightly and returning the handshake. Just as he did, the tall blonde gave their hands a swift twist before leaning forward. Then, to the shorter man's surprise, he kissed the soft pale hand before him.

Uruha and Aoi: GAAAAAAAAAAY! DRINK!
All: -drink-
Kai: I didn't know we were having a drinking game?
Uruha: Don't we always?

Wha-wha-wha....??? Ruki's mind was spinning like crazy. Reita kissed his hand...kissed!!

Uruha: Well yeah. What did you want him to do?
Aoi: Ewwww.
Uruha: Really. He wasn't going to start licking your fingers.
Aoi: Ewwwww.
Uruha: or **** you.
Aoi: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Ruki: Stop it both of you right now.
Aoi and Uruha: We can't look at you guys the same anymore.

"Pleasure's all mine..." Reita purred softly in reply.

Ruki: YOU! -points at Reita- That side of the theater now!
Reita: Yessir. -moves-
Aoi: Even though we'll be apart... -clutches chest tightly-
Ruki: If you don't stop it I'll personally make sure monorail cat runs off the rails!
Aoi: And?
Ruki: AND I'll dye your hair pink while you're sleeping!
Aoi: And?
Ruki: AND! ...I'll tell management that WASN'T a documentary you a Uruha we're shooting in the bathrooms.
Aoi: -silent-

Aoi snickered quietly, knowing he was being ignored for the time being and spoke up. "I'm going to look for someone. You guys have fun, okay?" Just before he took off, he muttered to his blonde companion's ear. "Don't overdo it."

Uruha: -as Aoi- Yeah. I'll just leave my obviously gay friend, and my crossdressing confused friend alone together, "Don't overdo it."
Aoi: No one said I was responsible.
Uruha: True.
Reita: 5 bucks he's finding Uruha.
Ruki: Done.

Reita nodded once as he watched the other man leave. "So, Ruki....want to dance?"

Uruha and Aoi: I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLD! SHINING SHIMMERING SPLENDID!
Ruki: MY EARLIER THREATS APPLY TO BOTH OF YOU!
Uruha and Aoi: ...-silent-

"What? Dance?!" Ruki was, in short, not a very good dancer.

Uruha and Aoi: -snickering behind hands-
Reita: Cannon.
Ruki: What?
Reita: What? You are.
Ruki: ...Gee, thanks.
Reita: Man, I didn't mean it like that.
Uruha: -whistle-
Ruki: WHICH ONE OF YOU DID THAT?
Both: -point to Kai-

The other man turned with an arched brow. "Yeah...dance. Unless you want me to bend down on one knee, take your hand, and asked, "May I have this dance, princess?" in front of all these people before you are able to give me a proper reply other than "What? Dance?!"...Would you like that?"

Ruki: Why am I a blushing uke bride?
Reita: Because some fangirls think so?
Kai: Um, that's not very nice? -to Uruha and Aoi-
Ruki: What did they say Kai?
Kai: Well they told me to say it.
Ruki: You can talk. They're on speech probation.
Kai: Okay...It's cannon. They get at least 5 more points.
Ruki: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Kai: -squeak-

"N-No! Of course not!" The brunette's face glowed crimson red as he shook his head and turned away. "I....Um, yeah. I'll dance with you."

Reita: I don't think I'd ever ask Ruki to dance with me...Or anyone.
Ruki: ...Again, thank you.
Kai: Um, one of them says I should post this picture?
Ruki: Post it Kai.
Kai: Okay... Aoi says if you knew how to dance you'd dance like this:
Ruki: I hate that movie.
Uruha: Agreed.

Reita smirked smugly at this. Ruki was definitely a fun...person...to play with. Grasping the younger man's hand, he dragged him to the dance floor. Standing in front of the other, he held Ruki's hand up against one of his own while the other rest around his thin hips. It was such a good thing that a slow song was playing.

Uruha: Otherwise we might get a panty shot.
Ruki: PINK HAIR.
Uruha: No you won't. I hid Mr. Flibbiles.
Ruki: You bastard.

"Just so you know...dancing is not that hard. Yes, I can tell you can't dance by your previous answer. Anyways...just follow my lead. Okay?"

The brunette nodded slowly, trying to hide his embarrassment. Then after a short moment, they started.

One step, two steps....one step, two steps....

Aoi: Is miyavi in here?
Ruki: One two step. Step by step. Damnit, it's stuck in my head.

THEY DANCE OMG LOL! amazingly long description here

He vaguely noticed the taller man leaning against his ear and muttering, "Please forgive me for this."

He couldn't understand what the blonde meant by that until a sharp prick was felt against his neck. Wha-?

Aoi: HICKEY!
Uruha: He's gonna feel that in the morning!
Ruki: Guys!
Reita: Relax. This is just their payback for all those times we got revenge on them for their hangovers.
Aoi: That was not funny-
Ruki: Kai, if you please.
Kai: I DON'T CARE WHEN THE SUN DON'T SHINE I GET MY LOVIN IN THE EVENIN TIME!~
Aoi and Uruha: AAAAAH!
Uruha: It's worse then a shock collar!
Aoi: Heh. Kinky.

Ruki then felt drained. He felt his energy leaving him slowly but...he didn't care. That felt...good.

Cut for boring biting and blah blah blah

Uruha: Why does no one notice he's biting him in the middle of the dance floor?
Reita: In bad fic no one hears you scream.
Uruha: Ah.
Ruki: So technically I am his Bella and he is my Edward Cullen?
Reita: I vant to suck your blood.

"Hey, Ruki! Wake up!"

Ruki: What? IS IT OVER?
Uruha: No false alarm!
Aoi: LOOK WHAT I FOUND!
Ruki: God, I hate you guys.

Ruki wakes up after the party to realise Reita is gone. When he asks Uruha and Kai about his new lovah, they say he was never there! BUT!

Ruki felt a bit disappointed. As he shift to leave, he then realized a cape was draped over his body. Reita's cape.

Uruha: LE GASP!
Aoi: Aw a cape? Why couldn't it be monorail cat? OR CATONAKEYBOARDINSPACE?

Picking it up, a small white card was visible.

Yo! You fell asleep on me so I decided to let you take a break from dancing. By the way...want to go out sometimes? Here's my address and phone number in case if you want to go.

Well then, I'll see you later, Ruki!

-Reita

Aoi: awwwwwww.
Reita: Is it just me or am I too outgoing.
Ruki: What? Are most vampires not?
Reita: Eh. Well I guess one of us has to be good at dancing.
Ruki: You want your hair pink too?
Aoi: What color pink?
Ruki: Peptobismol colored pink?
Uruha: For constipation?
Ruki: ...I'm not even going to start.
Reita: And my english is atrocious.
Ruki: "Here's my number in case if you want to go."
Uruha: That hurt a little.

The brunette suddenly grinned widely. "I'll definitely give him a call."

Kai: So technically we had a party to get our friends laid?
Uruha: Normal, eh?
Aoi: Where did I go? I disappeared?
Uruha: Yeah, they brought you in for no reason.
Ruki: It's a mystery.
Reita: One for the Hardy boys!
All: O_O
Aoi: Isshin again?
Reita: Uh no. That was me.
Uruha and Aoi: DONE. PRINT. GAAAAAAY~ DRINK!

MADNESS! YOU'RE LATE! Buttsex?

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 17:17:00 GMT

Title: Apologize

Genre: SEX. LOTS OF SEX.
Warnings: SWEARING! sex.
Rating: MATURE.
Characters/pairings: KaoruXKyo

Synopsis: Kaoru and Kyo get into a shouting match which turns into something else.
IT'S HER FIRST FIC SO WE HAVE TO BE GENTLE!
RATING:

The sporking theater, this one known as the porn theater. Where some of the worst and most cracked mature fics get their asses handed to them. Our first porn spork is done by none other then Dir En Grey...Give it up to them for their bravery and now as they sit awaiting their doom.

Kyo: Can we start this thing.
Kaoru: They said precisly at at 11:28.
Shinya: I think I'm out of popcorn.
Die: I wouldn't eat anymore. This is the sporking PORN theater. You probably don't have the stomach.
Kaoru: I'm quite sure if anyone should be freaking out it's me...
Toshiya: Why?
Kaoru: No Reason...-gulps-

Kyo was already in a shit mood when he arrived at the recording studio.

Toshiya: Well that makes...-counts on fingers- 6 of us.
Die: BRING IT ON BITCH! POOOOORN!
Shinya: Make that 5.

That morning he had woken up really late, and he knew he’d catch all sorts of grief from Kaoru once he arrived.

Die: -whistle- You have noooo idea!
Kyo: -glower-

He walked briskly through the halls, making his way to the recording room he would be using, hoping to avoid Kaoru all together. However, he was not that lucky as Kaoru was already talking to the sound people in Kyo’s room when Kyo arrived. The instant Kaoru spotted Kyo, his eyes hardened.

Die: And that wasn't the only thing, huh Kaoru?
Kaoru: Do you want to end up dead?
Die: Maybe?

“And just where the fuck were you, Kyo? Me, Shinya, and Die have already finished our parts to the song. Toshiya will be done any minute now. You haven’t even started!”

Shinya: How do we work on the song seperatly?
Toshiya: Especially without the singer...
Die: -giggle- Where the FUCK have you been Kyo. Irony.

“I slept in! God, Kaoru, it’s not like I did it on purpose,” Kyo bit back, irritated with Kaoru’s tone.

Kyo:...
Kaoru: Knowing you, you probably did do it purposefully.
Kyo: Probably.

“That’s always your excuse, Kyo,” Kaoru sighed exasperatedly, “You know what? I don’t even care what your reason is. Just get in there and get started.”

Kyo: Yes, mother.
Toshiya: -as Kaoru- KYO! YOUNG MAN! GET IN THERE AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM!
Die: But Maaaa. We wanted to go out to Hot Topic!
Shinya: Both of you might want to move. -points to Kaoru and Kyo death glaring-

“Fine,” Kyo responded before stomping through the door into the soundproof room where he would be singing.

Die: I can see it now. -clears throat- Dear, My space! Momma Kaoru is sooo unfair!
Kaoru: If it wasn't for your amazing skills on a guitar you'd be dead right now.
Kyo: -pulling up shirt sleeves- What skills?

He put on his headphones and walked up to the microphone, glaring at Kaoru through the glass.

Shinya: Well...at least Kyo is in character?
Kaoru and Kyo: -beating the shit out of Die-
Toshiya: -ignoring it- Well..yes. But in these sort of things the characterization tends to change.
Die: OW! THAT DOESN'T BEND THAT WAY!
Toshiya: All of a sudden the two characters who hate each other will fall madly in love.

“We’re ready for you to start now, Kyo,” said one of the sound guys through the speaker.

“I’ll start as soon as that asshole over there is out of my sight.”

Kyo: Presently that would be this asshole. -kicks Die-
Die: Dude, you're only giving the fangirls an excuse to beat me up!

Suddenly the doors at the top of the theater swing open and down from the steps marches whomever was in the sound booth. It is Gackt, the leader of the Porn theater.

Gackt: WHAT DO YOU BOYS THINK YOU'RE DOING?
Shinya: Hello, Gackt-sama.
Gackt: Shinya, may you explain to me why Die is dying on the floor?
Die: I'm okay, honest.
Kyo: I killed him.
Die: I'm still alive!
Kaoru: He was making obscene comments.
Gackt: Yes, well that's how a sporking works?
Kaoru: Right.
Kyo: -kicks Die again-
Gackt: Everyone sit down. Shut up.
Toshiya: And take it up the ass?
Gackt: -glare- I'm watching you, kid.
Toshiya: Yessir. -coughbuttsexcough-
Gackt: -glare-
Die: Anybody? -still dying-

Kaoru appeared as though he would say something, but seemed to decide better of it and simply left the room. Satisfied, Kyo started into his part for their newest single, Ain’t Afraid to Die.

Kyo: Speaking of dying? You dead yet?
Die: -pulling himself up- No.
Kyo: Well we'll have to work on that.
Kaoru: Tone down on the smart remarks.
Die: That's like telling your fanfic self NOT TO FUCK KYO.
Kaoru: -gets up and chases Die around the the theater-
Die: IT'S TRUE!
Gackt: SIT! OR I WILL MAKE YOU PLAY OUT THIS FIC!
All: -sit and behave-

Listening to what he had accomplished, even Kyo was displeased. His voice was unenthused, not to mention a bit pitchy. He had been so pissed off at Kaoru that he hadn’t really put very much effort into it. The sound guys, of course, acted like it was workable. But Kyo knew otherwise, and he knew Kaoru was going to pitch yet another fit.

Toshiya: Kaoru?
Kaoru: Yes?
Toshiya: Do you have PMS?
Kyo: Now that's questionable.

Just as Kyo had been thinking of him, Kaoru walked into the room.

Die: OMG! KYO? Imagine Ashlee Simpson nude with a bow on her head.
Kyo: What the?
Die: DO THIS FOR ME MAN!
Gackt: He's saying in the fic that's what happened not that IT WILL IN REAL LIFE!
Die: I hate this game... -pouts-

“Well, what’ve we got?”

The sound people played the track for Kaoru to hear and Kyo flinched inwardly as Kaoru’s face darkened.

Kaoru: Dude, I think I do have PMS...
Shinya: Yeah. You need to work on that.
Toshiya: It's weird. I always thought Shinya would...

“Kyo, would you step outside with me, please?” Kaoru asked, with a deceptively calm tone.

Toshiya: -as Kyo- What for?
Die: -as Kaoru- Buttsex?

“Fine. Whatever.”

Kyo followed Kaoru out and Kaoru practically pushed Kyo into recording room across the hall, it being empty.

“What the hell, man? Calm down!”

Die: http://encyclopediadramatica.com/images/a/a0/Pyramid_head_raep_tiem.jpg

“No, Kyo! I’ve had enough of your bullshit! Throwing a fit every time something doesn’t go your way! That track in there? That’s shit! That’s shit and you know it!”

Shinya: Maybe it would be better if we played the song TOGETHER.
Toshiya: Sssh. Don't wake them.

“Well, sor-ry that I’m not The Great Kaoru and I can’t get it right the first time every time!”

Die: Does anyone else feel like their in the middle of some big High School Drama?
Toshiya: Yup.
Die: And then Kyo was like!
Toshiya: NO WAY MAN!

“Oh, whatever! You didn’t even try! Just because you’re mad at me doesn’t mean you have to take it out on the band. Now we all have to wait around on your dumb ass while you finish your part. We are not Kyo and Those Four Other Guys. We are Dir en grey, in case you forgot. You need to remember that and start acting like a team player again or I swear to God I will drop you from this band.”

Shinya:...Um...I'm uncomfortable.
Toshiya: Seconded.
Die: We ARE KYO AND THOSE OTHER GUYS THOUGH!
Kyo: -nod-
Kaoru: That's probably what makes our band so...
Die: AWESOME?
Kaoru: Thank you, Die.
Die: Glad to help.
Toshiya: If Kyo actually started CARING about all of us...
All: -shudder-
Die: -rocking back and forth-
Shinya: You okay?
Die: I just...Kyo...creepy...caring...aaaahh...

Kyo seemed shocked for a second, but he quickly recovered saying, “Oh, shut the hell up. That’s an empty threat and you know it. I’m not gonna sit here and listen to your bullshit,” Kyo spat, pushing Kaoru out of the way and moving toward the door.

Shinya: I'm with Kyo. It is an empty threat.
Toshiya: Who would sing for us?
Die: Shou of Alice nine?
All: -laugh-
Kaoru: No, but seriously. I could probably just get that Hiroto kid to do it.
Die: Hiroto? He screams?
Kaoru: Oh yeah.

Kaoru grabbed Kyo’s wrist and practically slammed him against the wall, placing his hand on either side of Kyo to keep him from escaping. Kyo clenched his teeth and glared up at Kaoru.

Die: RAEP RAEP RAEP RAEP.
Kaoru: STOP IT!

“Don’t you fucking talk to me like that,” growled Kaoru.

Die: He will stop talking soon. It'll be all fucking!
Kyo: Die...
Die: Yeah?
Kyo: Have we learned nothing?
Die: Not really.
Kyo: Damn.

Kyo laughed scornfully, “What the fuck you gonna do about it, shit face?”

Die: RAEP! RAEP! RAEP!

Kyo shoved Kaoru, trying to get free but that caused Kaoru to grab his shoulders and slam him against the wall again. A small feeling of fear mixed in with Kyo’s ever growing irritation as he realized exactly how pissed Kaoru was.

Kyo: I don't feel..fear.
Toshiya: And he keeps slamming you into walls. Does no one hear this?
Gackt: In the world of buttsex no one hears you scream.

“I said, don’t talk to me like that,” he hissed, digging his nails into Kyo’s shoulders and bringing his face dangerously close.

Kyo snarled and appeared as though he would say something.

Toshiya, Die, and Shinya: RAPE. RAPE. RAPE.
Kaoru: GUYS! THIS ISN'T FUNNY!
Toshiya: You know what's not funny?
Shinya: Having to come into record at the studio at 2am.
Toshiya: You not willing to help me out when I'm out of money for lunch.
Die: RAEP!

“Shut the fuck up,” hissed Kaoru before quickly covering Kyo’s mouth with his own.

Shinya: And the IC is dead.
Toshiya: We gather here together to say our goodbyes.

Kyo gasped in surprise and Kaoru took this opportunity to force his tongue into Kyo’s mouth. However, Kyo’s surprise had worn off and he began kissing back, dueling with Kaoru for dominance.

Kyo: ...
Kaoru: Get my tounge out of there! He's gonna bite it off!
Kyo: -evil grin-

Kaoru ground up against Kyo, pinning him to the wall, and putting pressure on their clothed members. The unexpected contact to his manhood caused Kyo to disconnect the kiss and gasp in surprise again. Kaoru used the little vocalist’s lapse in concentration to attack Kyo’s neck, biting down hard. A very primal feeling stirred in Kyo’s stomach and he growled as Kaoru lapped at the bleeding wound.

Die: Wow...They pretty much just made you sound like an actual CAT getting sexed up.
Shinya: Thank you Die.
Die: Glad to help.

Suddenly Kyo grabbed Kaoru’s hair and pulled him down for another bruising kiss. As payment for Kaoru’s previous action, he bit down hard on the lead guitarist’s lip, causing Kaoru to grunt at the small sharp pain. And then it was Kaoru who was surprised this time as Kyo pushed him over onto the floor and straddled him. Kaoru’s head knocked against the floor and he went to pull Kyo off him but then Kyo moved his hips against his, giving a delicious friction to his growing erection. It was all Kaoru could do to bite his abused lip and smother the moan that threatened to escape him.

All members: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Gackt: This is surprisingly painful.
Toshiya: Surprisingly?
Gackt: Yes. And this is my life...

Kyo smiled deviously and quickly moved down Kaoru’s body, sitting in between his legs as he began to hastily remove his pants and underwear. Once those were out of the way, he brought his hand to Kaoru’s semi-hard length, stroking it to fullness. Then, he leaned down, letting his hot breath ghost over Kaoru’s member. Kaoru gasped and bucked involuntarily, searching for contact. Kyo smirked and began licking at Kaoru’s cock, sucking on the vein underneath and digging his tongue into the slit.

All: -twitch-
Kaoru: WAS THERE NO POINT TO THIS SEX?
Die: Angry sex is the best sex.
Shinya: All fanbrats think we're just fucking around.
Toshiya: Literally.

Kaoru was panting now, his body becoming covered in a thin film of sweat.

Kyo: Like camera film?

“Stop fucking around, Kyo,” he breathed.

Die: I wanna make a sex joke but it won't work...this is so painful.
Shinya: -pets him on head-

“Say you’re sorry.”

“Huh?”

Kyo took the head of Kaoru’s dick into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it and sucking gently, but then he moved back.

“Say. You’re. Sorry,” he repeated with a smirk.

Kaoru: I'm sorry for appearing in this fic.
Die: I'm sorry for living.
Shinya: I'm sorry for fanbrats like these.
Toshiya: I'm sorry this wasn't on video? -looks to Gackt- Is there anyway I could get a copy?
Gackt: What are you a fanboy?
Toshiya: No. I'm just so glad it's not me or Shinya. So I'd like to use it as blackmail.

Kaoru growled, realizing what the little vocalist was up to. Moving quicker that he thought was possible in his aroused state; he sat up and pushed Kyo onto his back, quickly making it so that he was now the one on top. Kyo’s smirk turned into an expression of surprise as he found their positions reversed.

Die: Wait. So who's on top of who?
Shinya: They stated it very clearly.
Toshiya: Who's on first?
Die: The first base men.
Toshiya: Who?
Die: The guy on first!
Toshiya: WHO?

“I’ve got nothing to be sorry for,” he bit out.

Kyo moved to push Kaoru off of him but Kaoru grabbed Kyo’s wrists and held them over his head. He kissed Kyo again, devouring and invading his mouth. Kyo could taste Kaoru’s blood in the kiss and it caused him to moan. For a while, that was all they were doing, with Kaoru’s hips moving in slow circles over Kyo’s. But then they both broke the kiss, needing air. Kaoru moved his hands so that both of Kyo’s wrists were in one hand as he snaked the other down Kyo’s clothed form. Keeping eye contact with the other, he started massaging him through his jeans.

Kyo: ...Is it possible to somehow block this out?
Shinya: I might have some drumsticks in here?
Kyo: Thank you. -takes them and chucks them at the screen and it implodes-
Shinya: I meant...use them to make noise...but...okay.
Kyo: Damnit. -the screen repairs itself-
Kaoru: Why can it ever be that easy?

MORE SEX ENSUES SKIP FOR THE HELL OF IT!

“What happened here was an angry fuck, Kaoru. Nothing more than that,” he finally raised his gaze to meet Kaoru’s and smirked, “Don’t take things so seriously.”

Kyo: Wow.
Shinya: Are we done?
Die: That's what fic Kaoru is saying!
Toshiya: Yup.

Gackt: I'll be nice and let you out. Get out of here.
Die: YAAAAAAAAAAAY! -runs for it-
Shinya: May this girl rot in hell.
Kyo: Or may we help her.
Kaoru: Perhaps I can find her address.
Toshiya: If only that was possible. -hiding extra tape-
Kaoru: Where is that extra you asked for?
Toshiya: ...I plead the 5th?

Giving Up? This Spork Hasn't Even Started!

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 15:34:57 GMT

Title: Giving up (1/ ??)

Genre: humour, fluff
Warnings: none except slight OOC-ness says author.
Rating: PG-13
Characters/pairings: AoixUruha, ReitaxRuki

Synopsis: Everything is the band leader's business.

Rating:

The sporking theater is it's usual mass of chairs, snackables, and big blank screen that promised brain bleaching and eye sporking as ever...Our heroes have arrived previous to this little intro and are now sitting lazily about on the chairs, They are the members of The Gazette and of course! Our king Miyavi!

Ruki: I'm really really not liking this...
Uruha: Suck it up and take it like man. -downs sake-
Reita: Son of a- Where'd you get that?
Aoi: He carries it around with him, lucky bastard...
Ruki: Didn't they take away your smokes?
Uruha: They did. But if they so much as touch my sake I will bite them till I get it back.
Aoi: Bite them? I heard right?
Uruha: Don't-
Aoi: I'm not. I'm just saying.
Reita: I hate you guys...
Miyavi: So! My little sporkers! -rustles Ruki's hair much to his dislike- Are we ready to SPORK IT!
Aoi: If by that it means you? Then yes.
Uruha: Alcohol. -takes another swig-

WEDNESDAY.

Aoi: Wow.
Reita: I feel like they want us to get something...
Uruha: Clearly, I am not drunk enough. -another swig-
Ruki: -watching Uruha- Your going to get alcohol poisoning and die.
Uruha: Well, at least I'd be out of here.
Ruki: O_O...Can I have some please?

"Reita, we must stop this."

Aoi: Yes, Reita. We must leave now.
Reita: I'm all for it. -both get up-
Miyavi: -scary dark look- Leaving is strictly prohibited.
Aoi: What'chya gonna do?
Miyavi: -thinks- ...I'll bring Kai in here.
Reita and Aoi: DEAR GOD NO! -sit-
Miyavi: -claps- Onward men!

Uruha panted between his parted lips, watching his companion with dark eyes. Small droplets of sweat glistened on the skins of both of the men in a shady alley hidden from the eyes of the curious. The other shook his head furiously.

Uruha: -choke- NOT DRUNK ENOUGH!
Aoi: Stop what? -leaning in-
Ruki: Oh god...I knew this was coming...
Reita: I blame Shou from alice nine. licking that Saga kid.
Uruha: I blame you all.
Aoi: I blame Kai.
All: Fair enough.
Aoi: Which head do you think he's shaking...by the way?
Uruha: -throws sake glass at him-
Aoi: Ow! Fuck!
Uruha: -realizes he doesn't have it anymore- Shit...Way to go asshole.

"Never, Uruha, never! We can't stop this. You know we can't, you know I can't."

Ruki: Oh no...
Aoi: -as Reita- OH! URUHA MY LOVE! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME NOW!
Reita: ...
Ruki: Oooooh no!
Aoi: -still as Reita- What ever will I do without you? Where will I go? How will I live?
Uruha: -with shot glass- Frankly my dear? I don't give a damn.

Uruha shot a guilty glance at him.

Aoi: Now why would he do that? Could it be the sex?
Uruha: Get him out of here, please?
Aoi: Awwwwwww. Can't take it up the ass like the fic says?
Ruki: AOI! HOLD IT IN!
Aoi: I'm sorry, this is just soooo much fun.

"It's impossible now." the bassist's low, strong voice didn't leave much room for arguments. Dim light of the lamp hanging sadly from a wire stretched between two walls reflected in Uruha's brown eyes in the shadow the wall cast on them.

Ruki: Wait. It said they were in an alleyway, right?
Reita: Yeah...it's like hidden from view or something...
Ruki: Um...Alleyways are kind of conspicuous aren't they?
Reita: Fan brats trying to fill the fapping meter.
Ruki: Nicely put.
Aoi: Like you put in Uruha last- -cut off by more sake glasses being thrown at him-

"But Reita, I-"

Uruha: Why exactly, am I the uke here?
Aoi: -silently stares at him-
Uruha: What?
Aoi: Do you? Wow...Just wow.
Uruha: WHAT?
Ruki: I think what Aoi means to say is...You are uke because of how you act...Yeah.
Uruha: I'm lost...-another sip-
Ruki: Um...well...
Reita: You look like a girl, Uruha.
Uruha: What?
Ruki: Thank you, Reita.
Aoi: Awww, you guys gonna go kiss and make out?

"I can't live without this. And I know you can't either." Reita's voice was almost trembling, "I need this, Uru... If we stop this, I don't know what to do."

Reita: I don't do trembling.
Uruha: And I don't do men.
Reita: Sounds fair.

Uruha bit his lip anxiously, "But Reita, what about Ruki?"

Ruki: WHAT ABOUT ME?
Aoi: YES! THREESOME!
Reita: You. Sit. Shut up.

"What he doesn't know can't hurt him." Reita snapped. The coldness in the bassist's voice made Uruha shiver. He tugged the sleeve of his shirt nervously.

Aoi: -cracking the hell up-
Ruki: What now?
Aoi: Uruha just said that earlier. -cackling-
Uruha: -stares ahead horrifed-
Aoi: What they don't know won't hurt 'em.
Ruki: Um...yeah...-awkward-
Uruha: We'd never lie to you, man.
Reita: Yeah. Just like I'd never like Uruha...like that.
Ruki: ...I know. I just needed a moment, I threw up in my mouth a little.

"But if he finds out-"

Aoi: QUE RUKI WALKING DOWN THE ALLEY SPOTTING THEM!
Ruki: Are you the bitch who's making me sit through this shit?
Miyavi: Do not speak of the fan brats in such a way, they are just fan brats.

"Ruki is a human being; he has got the same weaknesses we do." Reita said haughtily, refusing to look at Uruha, who continued uncertainly.

Ruki: That adjective of 'haughtily' I really didn't like it's use in this situation.
Uruha: -another sip- Nerd.
Ruki: Am not.
Reita: You have weaknesses?
Ruki: I think so...
Reita: Like the time you blamed me for breaking the mic?
Ruki: Uh, a simple mistake.
Reita: You dropped it again after rehearsal.
Ruki: Moving on.
Aoi: ...There were no sex jokes I could make here...

"But he trusts us. I feel like shit for doing this..."

Aoi: Well, yeah. You feel like shit cause you're taking it in the ass.
Reita: Nice.
Aoi: Hey, I just work with what they give me.

"But Uruha, you enjoy this too, don't you?" Reita asked with a cunning smirk, stretching lazily his toned arms, a movement that revealed a strip on pale, smooth skin of his abdomen.

Reita: I have a strip of different colored skin on my abdomen?
Uruha: What color?
Ruki: -rereading- Doesn't say. Just says it's a strip on pale.
Aoi: OMG! YOUR BLACK!
All: -stare at him-
Aoi:...Uruha I'll take some of that sake now.

"Y-yes?" Uruha sighed, his back pressing dejectedly on the brick wall behind him, beautiful eyes following carefully the other's actions.

Aoi: Buttsexzorz now, plz?
Ruki: Wow. You are the most annoying one, aren't you?
Aoi: When Kai is gone, yeah.
Uruha and Reita: -staying quiet to avoid more sex jokes-
Aoi: and if you guys could just stop in the middle to have that talk, the sex obviously isn't all that good...
Ruki: Thank you, Aoi...-facepalm-
Uruha and Reita: -didn't work-

"And now..." Reita murmured, pressing his lips finally on the surface that promised him his pleasure.

Aoi: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!
Uruha: HE KISSED WHERE?
Aoi: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAA!
Reita: ew. ew. ew. ew.
Aoi: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!
Ruki: Um...so he kissed? His mouth?
Aoi: AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!
Uruha: -throws sake glass- WHAT THE HELL IS SO FUNNY?
Aoi: Little fan brat doesn't want to write out penis! -laughing harder-

"Ah!" Uruha breathed too, feeling the taste he craved finally in his mouth.

Aoi: SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Ruki: I'm lost.
Reita: Bring me with you.
Aoi: Aw, you guys a couple too?

"Uruha-" Reita started, breaking the lip contact, but he was cut out by a loud bang. A white metal door in the wall crashed open.

Ruki: I TOLD YOU AN ALLEYWAY WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA!
Reita: Damn, look at the time.
Aoi: -stare at him-
Reita: What?
Aoi: There is a completely different joke that goes along with that saying, but I will refrain from informing you of that till a later time.

"HA!" a familiar voice exclaimed from the doorway, "Here you are!"

Ruki: Betting pool start!
Reita: It's Kai, ten bucks.
Aoi: I'm going with Ruki, fan brats don't want to leave him out, 20 bucks.
Miyavi: I know who it is!
Uruha: I'm guessing the fanbrat herself. 10.

"Oh crap." Uruha muttered, stamping his cigarette on the ground. Reita next to him looked extremely guilty and tried extremely innocently to hide his burning cancer stick behind his back.

Ruki: Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah, what?
Reita: How were you smoking...and with me?
Uruha: I know, we were kissing?
Aoi: And the truth unfolds.
Reita and Uruha: -glare- You are so dead after this.
Aoi: That's right, keep the fan girls happy, then come find me.
Ruki: What's a cancer stick?
Reita: Maybe that strip of pale skin? Maybe I have skin cancer?
Uruha: And you only have a week to live?
Reita: That's not a lot of time! -excited-
Ruki: The author may not write another chapter by then!
Miyavi: We here at jrock_spork like to make the sporks as long and painful as possible. So there are 7 chapters left after this one out and ready for sporking.
All: WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY?

"Yo, Kai! They are here!" the intruder's voice called cheerfully. Reita stared at the man standing in the doorway, trying to cover his annoyance.

Aoi: Oh, what do you know? It's me.
Ruki: Scared to be paired up with Kai?
Aoi: Take. That. Back.

"Aoi? How... surprising to see you here? Uh..."

Aoi: Reita?
Reita: Hm?
Aoi: Are you retarded?
Reita: Why do you ask?
Aoi: Because you sound like you finished your sentence and your mouth is hanging open in a final "Uhhhhhhhhhhhh?"
Reita: ...You're a freak.

Aoi cocked his eyebrow, moving his gaze from his guilty looking fellow guitarist to the slightly smoking bassist.

Aoi: HAHAHAHAHHAHAA! COCKED!
Reita and Ruki: GROW THE HELL UP!

"What are you two doing here? I mean, this is-"

Ruki: An alley way?
Reita: Sea world?
Uruha: A We Hate Kai Convention?
Aoi: Dude! We should invest in one of those.
Reita: How do you figure?
Aoi: Well...the fan girls that do hate Kai will come and the fan boys that love him will come and bitch about how AWESOME he is.
Reita: Ingenious.

"The backyard of PS Company. You've been smoking!" Another head peeked out from the door.

Ruki: Oh no. I can feel it.
Reita: Feel what?
Aoi: A new couple coming in?
Uruha: More sake? Cause I'm bone dry...Oh! No! Found another bottle!
Ruki: He's coming.
Kai: -appears all of a sudden- Hey Guys!
Aoi: Fuck! Kai is coming? -a little late-
Kai: Um, Aoi?
Aoi: Oh! 'Sup Kai? 'Suuuuup Kai?

"Smoking?!" Aoi shrieked scandalously, but then collapsing with laughter as Kai leered at the blondes in the alley remarkably disbelievingly.

Aoi: Dude, that is not me. I'm made of awesome.
Uruha: Fan brats don't care. So long as they amuse themselves.

"No." Uruha squeaked, exuding dishonesty. Reita shook his head implausibly, a pretty thread of white smoke rising from behind him.

Aoi: HA HA! ONE OF US WILL GET OUT OF THIS HELL HOLE EARLY!
Uruha: REITA! YOU'RE ON FIRE LIKE TOSHIYA OF DIR EN GREY!
Reita: Finally.
Ruki: Please. Take us with you!
Reita: -takes out match and tries to light himself, it immediately goes out-
Miyavi: Heh. That doesn't work. If you wish for a long list of tried escapes by contemplated suicide you should talk to Kyo.
Reita: ...I really really REALLY hate you.
Miyavi: No, you don't. No one does. ^_^

"Yes you have." Kai growled, "and you are lucky I like you because- Reita! I saw that!" the drummer exclaimed, pointing the bassist with his index finger. Reita pulled his cigarette in front of him, glowering at his traitor.

Ruki: Kai really doesn't have any control on what we do.
Uruha: If they so much as try to take away my sake I will personally-
Reita: Why am I the only one to get caught? I rarely smoke.
Ruki: And look, she's missing a few commas.
Uruha: How can you assume she's a she?
Ruki: Right, like some fan boy is writing this.
Aoi: OH! OH! LOOK WHAT I FOUND! -points to his laptop-

Ruki: Is that...Gackt? O_O
Uruha: I think it's Hyde...
Reita: Whichever. HEY! AOI! Where'd you get the laptop?
Aoi: ...Office max?
Reita: And what have you been doing on it this entire time while we've been suffering?
Aoi: ...Surfing the interwebs obviously.
All except Aoi and Miyavi: -_-;
Ruki: GIVE ME THE LAPTOP!

"Kai, you must have some pity for us." he said quietly, rolling the cig in his fingers, then raising it lovingly to his lips, but Kai's intimidating voice stopped his hand in half way up.

Ruki: -knocked out because of Aoi's sudden burst of laughter-
Aoi: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! KAI HAS AN INTIMIDATING LAUGH?
Kai: I think I'm pretty-
Aoi: Oh, you're here?
Kai: Yeah...
Aoi: Well, sit down and shut up man. We're getting down to important business here.
Kai: But I-
Aoi: Dude. Fap later.
Kai: What? I'm not!
Aoi:
Ruki: WILL YOU STOP THAT ALREADY!

"Drop it."

Aoi: -drops laptop-
Kai: What the?
Uruha: Yup. It's broken.
Kai: Why'd you drop it when I didn't say anything?
Aoi: Dude, that version of you has a REALLY intimidating voice.
Kai: ...And I don't?
Aoi: Ceiling cat-
Ruki: No.

"Kai..." Reita whined.

Reita: I don't whine.
Ruki: He complains. But he doesn't whine.
Uruha: Kai whines.
Kai: No, I don't!
Aoi: -as Kai- The faaans need to be the sixth member!
Uruha: -as Kai- Stooop smoking!
Ruki: -insert other random Kai whine here-

"Drop it." Kai repeated his arms folded on his chest, fingers tapping impatiently on his arm.

Kai: -crosses arms to be like self in fic-
Aoi: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAAHAHAHHAHAA!
Kai: What?
Aoi: You look like you have down syndrome!
Ruki: Okay, that's just a little outside of right.

"Kai, I-" The happy, genuinely friendly picture Kai gave about his personality was treacherous; Reita wasn't sure which would, theoretically speaking, get him into bigger trouble, flipping off to his dear old mother or disobeying his band leader. And Reita's mother, she was one hell of a woman.

Aoi: I know. Reita's mom and me, we're reaaaaally close.
Uruha: -facepalm- I cannot believe you just made a your mom joke.
Aoi:
Ruki: How'd you do that? The laptop is broken?
Miyavi: It was extra! I gave it too him! ^_^
Ruki: ...Is this over yet?
Reita: I'm still trying to get over the mental image of Aoi and my mom...

"I said drop it!" Kai yelled and the cigarette landed sadly on the asphalt.

Aoi: -as cigarrete- CRAWLING IN MY SKIN!!!
Uruha: How can it land sadly?
Ruki: Much like how Aoi could ever be with Reita's mom.
Uruha: Never?
Ruki: Never.
Reita: Thank god.

"Poor thing." Aoi commented grinning, though it remained a bit unclear did he mean Reita or the cig. Reita watched as the thin line of smoke rose up in the air, just in front of his hidden nose. Kai glared at him ruthlessly from under his dark fringe.

Ruki: Woah. I think I just realised something.
Aoi: Hm?
Ruki: We thought Reita and Uruha we're going at it? Right?
Reita: Thank you, once more for putting poor images in my brain.
Ruki: Welcome. But anyway, if they were smoking...they weren't.
Reita: And?
Ruki: Well, obviously, the author tricked us!
All: O_O
Miyavi: Clever little fanbrat.
Aoi: Should I call Kyo to sing Clever Sleazoid?
Reita: Aoi. Please just shut up.
Aoi: CEILING CAT!

"And now... step on it, Reita-kun."

"Fuck you, Kai." Reita mumbled, staring at the line of smoke. Kai frowned.

Reita: I maybe a jerk. But I would never say fuck you Kai.
Aoi: What if he made you stop smoking?
Reita:...Maybe.
Uruha: My sake.

"No thank you. Just step on it or I'll do it for you."

"Fine." Reita grunted and quickly squeezed the white stick under his boot, but cringed as he felt the material mash under his shoe. The last puff of smoke escaped from the ash and flew upper and upper and upper... then vanished on the dark sky. Reita let out a deep, longing sigh.

Uruha: The imagery right there was fine except for the upper part...
Reita: Upper? Can't she just say up?
Aoi: You know what's up?
Reita: Don't say it.
Aoi: -whisper- Ceiling cat...

"It’s so hard!" Uruha sniffed. His lower lip was trembling a bit and he was twisting his large, slender hands. Aoi appeared to his side and patted him encouragingly on his forearm.

Uruha: Okay, I'm not that much of a wimp.
Aoi: -moves two seats away from him- I'm not touching you!

"You really don't have to do it, Uru-chan. It's okay..."

All: O_O

"I particularly have to! And don't you chan me!" Uruha snapped, "I don't want to die in the age of fifty." A sniff, "Only because I'm too weak to stop myself from sucking smoke into my lungs!"

Reita: Okay...now I'm bored.
Uruha: We get it. Smoking is bad. Can we move on?
Aoi: THE PLANET HAS A FEVER!
Uruha: -grabs Aoi's shirt collar- YOU EVER CALL ME URU-CHAN AND I WILL-
Aoi: Who?
Uruha: Good. That's what I thought.

"Come on, Uruha..." Aoi said, stroking Uruha's arm in a gently way. Uruha yanked his arm away from Aoi's grip and stepped back to stand before the dark haired man.

Ruki: Gently way? IT'S ENGLISH! LEARN TO SPEAK IT!

"Come on, Aoi! You want me to die?!"

Aoi: I plead the 5th.
Reita: You don't have the 5th. You're japanese.
Aoi: Well aren't you just a little ray of fucking sunshine?
Reita: ♥ Peace.

"No!" Aoi looked shocked, but then he peered at Reita, who was having a staring match with their (at the moment) stone-faced bandleader and bit his lip just beside the metallic ring which pierced his flesh on the right side of his mouth.

Reita: I was always wondering...Does it hurt to bite that thing?
Aoi: Eh.
Reita: O_O Aren't you gonna make some obscene comment?
Aoi: May I?
Reita: Sure.
Aoi: It hurt to bite your mom last night.
Uruha: There he is.
Ruki: Why exactly is Kai leader?
Uruha: Slept with the producers?
Kai: NO, I DIDN'T!
Aoi: Wait...The ones from that movie where they meet a nazi and gay guys and stuff?
Miyavi: Fail.

Open for Buisness!

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 02:49:26 GMT

Wooohoo! XD Well it's happened! This fandom has gotten it's first sporking ring! Yes. HA HA! Sporkings AWAY!

Much like Toshiya with Shinya. Yeah.

kissme_deadly_x told me to say that. ♥

EDIT--- As is to be expected we have recieved our first unopened and not so forward complaints. Being the kind and caring souls we are we listened and have edited the ratings from cruel to a little less. I hope they stand to be a little more...nice?